Unlimited Babe Works
by FiendLurcher
Summary: Emiya has found his answer, but for how long will he be able to remember it as he is plunged into hell again? This is the story of a man who returns having failed to end himself only to find something unexpected along the way—-—Ok, who am I kidding with the serious summary: UBW is full of hot anime babes, but you already knew that from the title, bro.
1. Chapter 1

Archer smiled, feeling the last of his energies dissipate.

The first rays of the sun climbed over the edge of the horizon, just in time to catch his former Master's tears as they fell. Sparkling and glittering through the air, like liquid diamonds. With that, he was gone.

He hoped that this last moment had been enough. Enough to assuage Rin of her worries and sympathy towards him. A no-good bastard like himself, who would betray and deceive her for his desperate plans. Enough to keep her hopeful with that man, who hopefully never grew up to become him.

Emiya laughed, despite his incorporeal state.

Who was he kidding? There was no doubt that Rin would succeed; she would make Emiya Shirou the happiest man on Earth, straightening him out without fail. _Heh, not exactly how I had imagined preventing my own "existence" from being realized, but I'll take it._

It would change nothing, after all. He knew already.

Heroic Spirit Emiya—No, Counter Guardian Emiya—existed outside of time and space, in the Throne of Heroes. There was no way for that fact to be undone, had known that. This had all been nothing but a pipe dream by a man who no longer had it in himself to keep going.

But.

 _I'll do my best, Tohsaka. After all,_

He relaxed and let himself fall. Fall down, back into his existence as a Guardian. That last smile she gave him burned into his mind as he filled his spirit with determination to never give up again.

 _I have found my Answer._

* * *

—

* * *

He opened his eyes, realizing he was lying down on his back.

Emiya had returned to this place; this reflection of his soul, in his place inside the Throne of Heroes. Unlimited Blade Works. The burning sky above. The thick smoke in the air; the sparks and dust kicked up by giant cogwheels in the heaven's above. And the cracked and barren earth beneath his back.

Nothing had changed on the outside, yet everything had changed on the inside.

But for how long? Soon enough, he would be _deployed_ once again; called forth to cull the very same people he only desperately wanted to save.

How long could his new found faith withstand those faces? How long could his desire and inner fire for saving survive when doused in the endless tears and blood of those he would be forced to cut down?

He wished to offer a hand. To bring hope and salvation.

But those hands could only cut down those who had been pushed outside; those who had already been deemed acceptable casualties. The collateral damage in the pursuit of preventing Humanity's extinction.

Such was the lot of a Guardian.

It couldn't be helped. Perhaps he would once again fall into despair and forget this slight glimmer of hope and faith he had re-discovered. Perhaps. But until then, he would soldier on.

He sat up.

"Hyaah—!"  
"Kyaa~!"

Emiya blinked. The two who had suddenly screamed out in surprise blinked. They had been looking at him, but had been so surprised by his sudden movement in sitting up that they had fallen onto their butts.

"Eh...?" Emiya blinked again. "Who are..."

"Umm... That is..."  
"That is... Um..."

The two stuttered, looking at each other as they struggled for words. They shrunk beneath his gaze, already much smaller than him despite their sitting positions.

Two girls; identical twins. One had hair the color of the purest white, the other had hair the color of the blackest night with a single red fringe visible running through it. Short bob cuts, with long bangs and a small fringe hiding one of their eyes. The left eye peering up at him for the girl in black, and the right eye for the girl in white.

They wore identical robes that came just above knee. Archaic eastern clothes of black and white which Emiya had never before seen in his life, but still felt somehow familiar to him. They looked like ceremonial robes, of some kind.

They couldn't have reached higher than his elbow, were they all standing up. Slight things—petite and svelte, like only young girls could look—looking so small and light that he could probably pick either up with one hand.

"Erhm...?" Emiya made an incomprehensible sound as he stared at the two, still seated by his legs and fidgeting beneath his gaze.

This was Unlimited Blade Works.

There shouldn't be anyone here. It was his world. His rusted kingdom of regrets and remembrance. More to the point, he was a Heroic Spirit. In the Throne of Heroes. No one and nothing should be able to appear here.

"I... We—"  
"We... I—"

The two tried to speak again, managing for a third time to interrupt each other and devolve into confused looks at each other. One and other tried to politely offer "you first", "no, you go ahead" for the second time as they whispered at each other.

They joined hands, nodding at each other before they inched a bit closer to Emiya again. He still sat on the cracked earth, blinking in utter confusion at the pair before him.

"Umm... umm...! I am Bakuya!" The girl in white said, gripping her tiny fists in determination as she looked Emiya in the eye. She looked like a determined tomboy, forging on ahead without hesitation despite her fears.

"Ah, umm... K-Kanshou." The girl in black said, hesitating for a moment and flinching the moment her eyes met with Emiya's. She made a sound of panic, turning her head away. Poking her index fingers together in a nervous gesture, she continued to studiously avoiding looking at Emiya.

"...Kanshou and Bakuya...?" Emiya blinked, taking in their words with a frown. No, that wasn't possible. What a ludicrous dream, to meet a pair of twins who bore the same names as his favored swords.

Emiya shook his head.

"What is a pair of little girls doing..." Emiya hesitated, not sure how to formulate the rest of his sentence. 'Here?', 'In my Reality Marble?', 'In the Throne of Heroes?'.

"Nn, like I said, I'm Bakuya! Don't you recognize me, Master?" The tomboy asked, jumping closer as her small fist balled up grabbing at the hem of his crimson shroud.

"...What?"

"Bakuya, Master!" The girl crawled right up to him, grabbing his right hand with both of her own, holding his fingers tightly as she peered up at him. "Don't you remember me? What we've been through, Master?"

"No, I mean, I _do_. But..." He hesitated, still reeling at the sheer bizarreness of this event.

Hearing his words, the white-haired girl's expression lit up at his words and she jumped forward to wrap her arms around his neck. "Master!"

Slightly jostled by the surprise jumping hug, Emiya blinked. He was completely lost, looking awkwardly at the black-haired girl who seemed to still be hesitating at his feet. No, rather than say hesitating, it seemed she was trying to work up her courage.

"M-Master!" Her weak voice held nothing to the sheer energy that... that Bakuya's voice held, easily a third in volume of the white girl's shout. "I-I, I'm not a g-girl! Kanshou is a boy!"

"...What?" Emiya said in a flat voice. Bakuya let go of his neck as she sat down on his lap, looking bewildered at his reaction.

"Master? Are you alright? Do you have a fever?" The white-haired girl placed a hand on his forehead, trying to measure his temperature. She closed her eyes, frowning as she concentrated. It did not seem to work, as after a second she opened her eyes and lowered her hand. She moved up to place her own forehead against his, to compare directly.

"Okay, that's enough of that..." Emiya said, grabbing her under her armpits with both hands. She blinked owlishly at him as he simple lifted her up effortlessly as he stood up straight and set her down onto her feet. He cleared his throat, more in an effort to buy himself a few seconds to collect himself than due to anything other.

The two gir—the twins, one boy and one girl, peered up at him as he looked down at them.

"Kanshou and Bakuya... Okay, I get it." He said, nodding at the two in turn, their expressions lighting up at his acknowledgment. They launched both at him, wrapping their arms around his waist as they hugged him.

"Master!"  
"Master!"

Emiya raised his hands, looking down helplessly at the pair now squeezing him with all that they had, happily laughing as they held onto him.

"Eh...?"

He was so completely and utterly lost that there was no limit to confusion right now.

"Now, now. Give Father some space, let him get his bearings." A new voice spoke up behind him, joining the conversation. Emiya hastily turned his head around to look at the newcomer. Who had managed to sneak up on him inside his own damn world? Again?

There stood a tall statuesque woman. Wide of hips and with considerable breasts, though neither of obscene proportions. Rather, there was an elegant ratio to her body which made it all fall into balance, the curves just right for his sense of aesthetics.

Now, if only she wasn't wearing little more than a string bikini. The black metal pieces did little to cover her body, merely placed in strategic locations to cover that absolute necessity and nothing more.

Her unnaturally dark skin glistening with a light layer of perspiration, an ebony of such rich darkness that he had never seen its like before. Her every breath was a work of art in eroticism.

"Urk?!" Emiya wheeled around, taking a step back in his surprise. The twins, holding onto him swung in the air around him as they held on.

Bakuya made a whooping sound, as if on a carousel ride, while Kanshou closed her—his eyes while holding onto Emiya's waist tighter.

"Who...?" Emiya stuttered, looking at the new arrival. His eyes were drawn to the flawless chocolate skin, bare for all to see. To the long dark hair that ran all the way to the back of her knees, like a waterfall of silk. As he tore his eyes away from her body and up to her face, he was enraptured by the sultry smile she wore as she _sashayed_ up to him with slow, measured steps.

"Oh my, Father...? Have you forgotten who I am, as well?" She mock-pouted, looking up at him with large, up-turned eyes. "Well, I'm sad to say, I have no name. You've never seen fit to bestow me with one, see?"

Emiya blinked, almost taking another step back but calming himself as he frowned.

That bikini—no, those _armor pieces_ that barely covered her nether regions and her breasts... Those wore modified versions of the handguard he had on his great black longbow! And that string! It was his bow string! He'd recognize those from anywhere!

"My bow...?" He muttered, looking down at her body as she stood still.

"Pin, pon! Correct! As expected of _Father_. Mmm... But that's fine. I don't need a name." Her smile turned into something even sultrier, as her eyes turned heedy. She stared up at him with half-lidded bedroom eyes. "All... I... Need..."

"Is..." She emphasized each word with a slow motion of her body, as the twirled on her bare feet towards him. One, two, three pirouettes she spun around gracefully on her bare toes. Resting her back against his chest, she came to a halt. She leaned against him, resting her head onto his shoulder as she looked up at him.

"For... Fathers..."She purred out the words, the sound barely above a whisper, a sound only for him and her, for no one else in the world. He breathed in, shuddering as he inhaled the scent of her hair. Taking in the sensations of her warm body, leaning into him as her hot breath tickled his face.

"Tough... Rough..." She grabbed one of his hands, lightly guiding it to her hips and placing it there without hesitation. Her skin felt hot and smooth under his fingers. His left hand coming naturally to rest at the swell of her hips as she shuddered at the contact, almost moaning.

"Large... Hands..."

Her every word was a sin, his mind growing intoxicated at her mere presence as she continued to drown herself in his eyes with her own.

"On.. Me..." Her back arched, as she used her hand on his on her hips to push her forwards as she leaned into him. "Mmm... Father, pull my hair. Please. I need you..."

"I..." Emiya swallowed.

"Grab my hair and _pull_ , make my back _bend_ and _push_ me down with your entire body! Father...!" She shuddered again, as if her entire body had been jolted with electricity. A hot breath came out of her mouth, as she gyrated her hips against his hand.

"Pull me, until I can't take it anymore, make me as tight as I can be and then... Let me loose, loosen me so hard that I go limp under you... Father...!"

"I... I..." Emiya's mind was white, his body burning up as her every touch was fire under his skin. He swallowed again, blinking once as he exhaled. His breath came out so hot it almost steamed, the scalding heat only making the woman leaning against him shudder again.

"H-how inappropriate! T-too lewd!" A new voice shouted, again.

Emiya snapped out of his trance, blinking. _A fourth?_

"What the hell is going on...?" He shook his head, ignoring the woman still rubbing herself against him as he looked to the side.

His breath hitched.

"Sa—ber?"

The blonde girl blinked. She was wearing riding clothes; durable pants with high boots and a simple long-sleeved tunic. Her golden hair held up in a bun and with _blue eyes_ , like sapphires, staring back at him.

He shook his head. No, that was wrong. Artoria had _green eyes_.

But this person was a mirror image of a young Artoria; of the girl he had once, long ago seen in _her dreams_. The answer came to him immediately.

"Caliburn."

"Oh... Umm..." The young girl seemed taken aback at being recognized instantly, but also exceedingly pleased at that. She blinked and then shook her head vigorously. She pointed at him with an accusative finger. "That's not the point! Stop that, right now! It's dis-dis-disgraceful!"

No, not at him. At his... _Bow_.

Emiya coughed. Swallowing to calm himself again as he looked down at the woman leaning against him. But she merely pouted at him, urging him to ignore everyone else with her deep pools of chocolate staring right up at him.

"Not while there are children present." Emiya said, placatingly, as he nodded at Kanshou and Bakuya who still hung at his waist and were utterly confused as to what was going on.

Bow sighed, disentangling herself from him, with obvious and great reluctance.

"Well, if we must. But as soon as the _child_ is gone let us continue, _Father_." She spoke, looking sideways at Caliburn before placing a single finger onto his chest with a smile full of promise.

Emiya had to swallow again.

"H-how improper!" Caliburn exclaimed, bristling at being singled out.

"Ara ara, it's natural for a man and a woman to do such things. Caliburn-chan must still be too young to have experienced the natural relationship between a man and woman." Another woman, maturer and fuller of figure appeared.

She appeared quite similar Caliburn, discounting the age difference. But there were notable differences nonetheless. Her platinum blonde hair, almost silver, for one was completely different. For another her attire, while nowhere near as revealing as _Bow's_ was far more feminine than the simple riding outfit Caliburn wore.

"My old Master used to be a real beast when it came to his lust, but oh my, oh my. That was such a long time ago. My new Master has already made me completely forget about that musclehead." The woman purred, her soft voice capturing the attention of everyone present with ease.

Emiya blinked, once again utterly confused as he stared at the new arrival. Just when he thought he had a handle on the situation, more appeared to unbalance him.

"Erm... Caladbolg...?" He realized, dreading the answer.

The older woman smiled at him, saying nothing as a light blush rose to her cheeks. "Indeed, _Master_. I can never forget how you _twisted_ me so. How your hot hands so roughly treated me and made me your own without a care for my weak protests. Your fire _filled_ me, changing me from the inside out as you did with me as you pleased. I may be an older lady already, but you've certainly made me feel wanted again, after such a long time. Ufufu..."

The woman raised a hand to her face in a demure gesture to hide her blushing face as she turned to look away. Emiya blinked, his mouth agape. He licked his lips, having no idea what to say or where to start with his retort to her words.

"Oh my, I may have said a little much. Forgive me, won't you... _Master_?" She smiled at him teasingly as only an experienced woman could, leaving Emiya's mind completely blank as he nodded.

 _What_.

"Umm..." Another new voice.

This time Emiya had noticed the new arrival before they could surprise him. Kanshou and Bakuya were still holding onto him, while _Bow_ continued to hover next to him while staring at him. It was with such intensity that Emiya didn't know what to do but completely and utterly ignore her, hoping that she would not jump him.

"My old master, he was a good man... But he was so rough... that... He broke me... and he..." She sobbed once, her eyes watering as her gaze went to the ground. "And he...he threw me away... Uwaaahh—" The newest addition to the discussion was an adult woman, with dark brown hair and reddish eyes that teared up as she began to sob.

She wearing a strange leather outfit. A bondage outfit. With spikes. Emiya blinked. _Hrunting_. It had to be.

"There, there. Child. You may have been roughly treated and remembered as a failure of a sword..." Caladbolg walked up to the brown-haired woman, placing a comforting hand around her shoulders as she spoke softly. "But Master knows your worth, doesn't he? You're in good hands now."

The sobbing slowly stopped as she sniffled once, twice. She looked up, with round eyes at Emiya whose mind completely blanked for a second.

But he got himself under control. That look, she was looking for reassurance from him.

"Yeah. Hrunting, you have never failed me. Please continue to faithfully answer my call."

She sniffled again, but she was smiling at him through the tears which remained on her face. "Mm, p-please... please take care of me. You can break me as many times as you want, Master." She hiccuped as she wiped away her tears. "As long as you never abandon me, I will always come for you."

She smiled at him, a luminescent blush on her face.

Literally, her blush was so strong that it shone just like the red hunting hound as it was loosed into the night skies as an arrow.

"Yeah." Emiya simply said, taking it all in.

He shook his head, smiling without realizing it as he palmed his face. He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he tried to sort this situation out in his head.

"Umm! Bakuya, too!"  
"K-Kanshou won't fail, e-either!"

The two at his waist re-assured him, looking up at him with large and hopeful eyes. He smiled at them, acknowledging their words and they beamed up at him.

"Mm... Well, I have always and shall always continue to do as Father wishes. That has never and will never change." _Bow_ smiled at him, though the undercurrent of eroticism from before hadn't dissipated in the least from how she behaved. He raised an eyebrow at her, making her smile back more widely.

"Though you may not rely on me anymore, Shirou..." Caliburn spoke, making Emiya flinch at the name. But Caliburn forged onward, placing a hand at her chest as if she were a knight making a vow. "I shall always remain by your side, should you ever need me. Though you have strayed from the just path at times, your spirit has never been sullied."

Emiya blinked, his eyes watering for some reason. His words got caught in his throat as he tried to say something.

Maybe it was the fact that she looked liked Saber. Perhaps it was the Grail War and the lessons he had learned and the memories he had reacquired. Maybe he had simply wanted for someone to acknowledge him and his pain. He didn't know, but those words he received from her were heavy as they settled into his chest with warmth.

Caliburn merely smiled at him warmly and acknowledged his state with a nod.

"Ara ara. I am yours." Caladbolg said simply with a twinkle in her eye, showing the elegance of a mature woman who knew when nothing more was needed.

Emiya laughed.

Though he still didn't fully understand what was going on, he accepted their words and felt something inside of him loosen. He felt better. Not so utterly alone as before, perhaps.

 **—DOOOONGGG—**

A great sound echoed throughout his world, as if a gong the size of an ocean had been rung. The sound reached every corner of this place and reverberated through his bones. He sighed, adopting a serious mien as he looked up into the sky.

There, just below the clouds and the cogs, hung that great shining orb again. Alaya, as he had first seen it when he had made his contract with the World. The rings that spiraled around it, the overwhelming power it exuded and the great presence that could not be denied.

Emiya knew it was time to go again.

"Thank you, everyone. I will not forget your words."

For that was the call of Alaya. Of the Deterrent Force. Bidding him to go forth and once again destroy humanity to protect humanity. There was nothing he could do to prevent it. He was being deployed again into hell.

He feared that whatever this change was, that it would disappear when he returned. Perhaps this was a mere fever dream of some sort. But he would not forget. He would hold onto these feelings, however long he could.

Without fail.

Emiya looked up, dismissing his red shroud with an effort of will. He did not want to stain those with such a worthless—no, a disgusting—cause such as this. The white mundane cloak settled onto his shoulders as a full quiver settled onto his hip.

His working clothes, gear he did not mind sullying with his worthless self.

The women—and boy—around him looked at him with concern, but he smiled at them. "I'll be fine. I'm sorry for leaving before we could talk, but... Thank you, everyone."

Their shoulders sagged as the mood plummeted at his words. But they understood.

"Bow, may I trouble you..."

"Of course, Father." She was utterly serious as she took his extended left hand. All the playfulness of before was gone, as she accepted the seriousness of the situation. "I will always be there for you."

He smiled and nodded, accepting those words.

Emiya felt himself dissipating once again. He would walk again onto hell, to kill and exterminate. Such was his fate, now.

He closed his eyes, accepting the deployment, when—

— _PINGGG!—_

The entirety of Unlimited Blade Works echoed and shook, as if a great force had been struck back. Emiya blinked, realizing the deployment had been canceled somehow.

"What—" He stopped, staring at the thing before him.

A young girl, wearing a sleeveless blue summer dress that matched her royal blue hair, hovered in the air with arms outstretched and her back to Emiya. As if standing to protect him from something, she stood steadfast. Unyielding.

— _PINGGG!—_

It repeated, and she huffed as she repulsed it again with ease. The distant force—Alaya, probably—seemed confused, backing off silently.

The tiny girl who was barely to Emiya's waist, wearing nothing on her feet and with sun-kissed skin, turned around with a wide grin to everyone. She had golden glowing eyes and a happy-go-lucky spirit that would not be defeated by anything in the world.

"A—Avalon?" Emiya stuttered, blinking at his tiny protector.

She puffed up, placing her hands on her hips as she looked proud at her accomplishment just now.

"No bully!"

Everyone blinked at that.

In the not-quite-distance but outside of everyone's true perception beyond this world, Alaya blinked as its facet was denied. A Guardian was being held back and there was nothing it could do. Where the hell had that pipsqueak come from?

It tried again and was repulsed just as easily a third time.

— _PINGGG!—_

…

 **Fine, you win**.

Alaya sulked away, leaving nothing behind of its presence.

Down below, Emiya blinked in total and complete confusion as he lowered his gaze from the sky.

"What just happened?"

"No bully!" Avalon repeated, crossing her arms with conviction.

* * *

—

* * *

Appearance List:

Kanshou & Bakuya: Male and Female twins, look very much alike. Trap and tomboy respectively, running off of the theme with the Yang blade being the unusual black and the Yin blade being the unusual white.

Bow: Looks like somewhat like Scheherazade(FGO Caster from One Thousand and One Nights), but with darker skin and longer hair and wearing just an armor bikini. Papacon and pervert.

Caliburn: Saber Lily with blue eyes, wearing the clothes Saber had when she drew Caliburn. Upright and proper.

Caladbolg: MILF, looks like Akiko Minase but with platinum blonde hair. (Look up "Akiko-san to Issho" for my mental image. Warning, vanilla hentai.)

Hrunting: Dark brown hair, slightly spiky. Red eyes, glow when excited. Wearing a spiky bondage gear, based on Hrunting's unnecessary spikyness overall. Masochist.

Avalon: Google "tan Cirno", without the wings and with golden eyes. Color set from Avalon's golden and blue. Slightly tanned from always being under the sun. Fairy of Protect Oniisan.


	2. Chapter 2 - Surprise, there's more!

Emiya sighed, shaking his head.

His life—or, rather after-life—had changed drastically since, since everything had changed.

 _Very eloquent, dumbass. Careful, or you might cut yourself with that wit._ He sighed again, looking down from the crest of the hill where he sat. Swords dotted the horizon of his mental landscape, the world that had existed inside of him and that symbolized the whole of his existence.

Unlimited Babe Works.

He blinked.

"Wait, something is wrong there." Frowning, he recited his whole aria under his breath nodding to himself and ending it again to himself. "—Unlimited Babe Works."

 _No, something is definitely off, but I can't quite place my finger on it._ He shook his head again, as he noticed someone was approaching him from behind. Without turning around, he spoke.

"Bow."

"Father," she said as she walked up to him.

Normally he was quite a bit taller, but she was a big girl too. Seated as he was, she towered over him. He did not look up, his eyes instead caught onto the unreachable horizon in the far distance. Behind them, sounds of joyous laughter and play could be heard, something that still bothered him even now. Then again, how long had it been since _this_ had started? The sun did not rise, nor did it set in his reality marble, therefore it was impossible to tell the passing of time properly.

Then again, he did not need rest or food so why did it matter? None of the others had complained about it either, so it probably wasn't a problem.

"I see you are brooding again," she said and he could hear the teasing smile she wore.

He looked up, a denial on his lips but at hearing her light giggles he knew she had only wanted just such a reaction out of him. _She knows me well, but how? Does she remember me from all the times I have used her? Thoughts gathering into the object until it gains sentience, something akin to tsukumogami perhaps?_

Emiya also realized he was thinking of his bow as a she already, completing his mental transition entirely already. Exhaling, he stood up.

 _Does that mean it has been a complete transformation—an evolution into something more? Meaning that I cannot use their original forms ever again...?_ He frowned at that thought, finding the line of thought and the consequences it evoked much more complex than he had initially expected.

"Bow, can I still use you?" He asked, turning around and looking down at her.

She smiled at him, tilting her head ever so slightly which made her midnight black hair sway like a waterfall of ebon silk. "But of course, father."

He frowned at that, nodding still to indicate his understanding as he crossed his arms. "How, though?"

She smiled reaching down for one of his hands and holding with both of hers. "It is quite simple. How do you use your Bow?"

Raising an eyebrow, he said nothing.

She rolled her eyes at him, raising the hand to her throat and pressing it against her skin. "Hold."

With an amused expression, he let his fingers curl gently around her neck. She slowly turned around until she was facing away from him, raising her hands over her head she looked over her shoulder at him.

"Now, pull my hair and _choke me, daddy_."

"Wha—"

He blinked and in the space of that instant she was gone. In his hand was his usual bow once more. He frowned, trying it out and noting nothing odd with the weight or proportions.

"...Bow?" He asked, but heard no reply. "Hey, bow?"

In between blinks of the eye, she returned to her previous form again in his arms. She said nothing, smiling mischievously up at him with one hand intertwined with his much like he had been holding the string before.

"See father, no problem."

He sighed, rubbing his hair with one hand. "If you say so."

Just then, two shapes came rushing at him and darted behind him. A pair of figures, looked up from behind a respective leg of his at the third figure of the tanned sun-child running towards him. "Avalon?"

Kanshou and Bakuya, still holding onto his legs moved around him as Avalon darted around his left side. He blinked, utterly lost as to what was going on as he raised his arms into the air. All three ran in a circle around him, switching directions on a dime as Avalon tried to catch one of the two.

 _Ah, they're playing Tag?_

"No fair!" Avalon cried, stepping back with a pout.

"Ha ha! Too slow!" Bakuya laughed loudly, grinning widely at the pouting faeling.

Even Kanshou was smiling, though with nowhere near such obvious relish as his twin, laughing much more quietly as he hid most of his face behind Emiya's leg.

"Gnununuu..." Avalon gripped her tiny fists, taking a step back as he face set into an expression of determination.

"Fufufu, try it! You'll never catch me!" Bakuya shouted as she patted her trusty shield with one hand. Emiya stoically bore the ignominious treatment without a word as he looked on, only rolling his eyes at Bow who had stepped back and was laughing at his predicament.

"Gnunu—!" Avalon shouted as she shot forward like a bullet.

Emiya blinked, realizing she was aiming straight for him. _Is she trying to tackle me to get at them?_

He thought about dodging, but with the two behind him holding onto his legs he simply decided to bear with it. _How bad could it be?_

She jumped, diving headfirst at him as he resolved to catch her before she hurt herself in trying to slam into him. Only...

Avalon turned into numerous motes of light that danced around and through him, the warmth of her passing a nostalgic sensation of a time long gone. He almost felt like he was standing in the middle of the golden fields of Ever Spring for a moment, where the sun did not shine down with oppressive heat but a warm care.

He blinked, turning around just in time to see Avalon re-materializing and reaching out for a clearly surprised Bakuya. The white-haired girl's eyes were wide with shock as she tried to jump back, but it would not be enough to avoid the charging faeling's mighty dash.

But just as Avalon was about to reach Bakuya, something _pulled_ the tomboy away from the blue-haired sheath. Avalon landed, blinking at having missed Bakuya by just the smallest of margins. Turning around, she owlishly looked at Kanshou who had his white-haired twin in his arms as they both grinned at her.

"C-cheating!"

"You're one to talk! Bweeeh!" Bakuya shouted, blowing a raspberry at Avalon as Kanshou turned around and started running away with Bakuya still in his arms.

"Uuuggh! Get back here!" Avalon shouted, rushing after the two.

Emiya blinked as Bow sidled up to him once more.

"What lively children," she noted.

"Hmmhh..." He nodded, frowning. "And they could use their... powers, I guess? Without any input from me. I didn't even feel any magical energy drain either. Strange."

Bow merely shook her head with amusement, well used to his habit of analyzing everything by now.

Looking out over the crest of the hill, he turned in place as his eyes scanned the vast rusted landscape. There were countless blades here, but only the weapons he had already noticed before seemed to be in an human form. Was it a matter of how often he used such weapons?

Frowning, he tried to imagine what kind of chaos it would be if every blade in his reality marble had experienced a similar transformation. Looking up, he froze. Sitting in seiza, cross-legged or squatting like delinquents—a sea of eyes met his. They all seemed waiting, expectant even. As if waiting for the pistol to go off to signal the beginning of a dash race, all coiled up and hoping their turn would be soon.

And then as he blinked they were all back to normal.

"Hmm, what is the matter father?"

He turned to look at Bow slowly, inhaling as he did. "...Is every blade here...?"

"Hmm? Of course...? I thought that much was obvious, father." She smirked at him, no doubt enjoying his trepidation at that realization.

"Were they always here? Or did something trigger this change?"

"Who knows. I've always been by your side, even when you wanted another at the same time. You're always so _rough_ and _insatiable..._ "

He blinked at that. Did she mean how he shot broken phantasms? Shaking his head, he ignored her for a moment. _Should I be worried about all of this, or trying to revert it?_

Looking around, he beheld his kingdom of rubble. The arid landscape with the burned out smog-filled sky above, the acrid stench of smoke and rust in the air so strongly as to be choking. This was no place for anyone to be living in—a land of stoic solitude, the end result of his mad dash for an ideal that could never work.

It was not a place anyone else should be forced to live in.

Beside him, Bow seemed to notice how grim his thoughts had turned, sidling up flush against him to distract him. Yet it managed little beyond making him simply glance at her once, before returning to his dismal deliberations.

She needed something more, something to keep him distracted.

"Oh, father. Why not see if any of the other weapons might not know something?"

"Hmm?" He frowned at her, though internally she cheered at seeing his brooding broken.

"You have countless blades here, all with a unique perspective on things. They must surely know something. It might help you gain a better grasp on this change," she explained.

Emiya nodded slowly, exhaling. _Right, that's true. Then, I should try..._

The blade came spinning in the air from a mile or more away, landing in his hand as if it had always been there. His fingers clasped around the hilt as he brought the jagged purple blade up to his face for closer inspection, the numerous colorful splotches and blots almost shining with a dark inner light.

Rule Breaker: _All Spells Must Be Broken._

Bow seemed to gasp, taking a step back. It was possible that his condition might be reverted, were he to stab himself with this sword of negation and betrayal. She knew this just as well as he did, though only second hand.

However, he had no intention of trying anything quite so extreme at this time.

Opening his palm, he _willed_ the blade to change. And there she was. She was _tiny;_ small enough to comfortably sit on his palm with room to spare. Sitting in his palm with her arms crossed and face turned down as she glared at him with heated eyes. Here there was none of the expectation or hope, rather it seemed like this little creature was filled with nothing but spite and vitriol as she scowled up at him.

They stared at each other for several seconds, Emiya trying to get a read on the little dagger and Rule Breaker stubbornly glaring at him all the while as she held her silence. _She looks quite a bit like Medea, huh. The purple of her hair is a little darker, almost as if it had been dyed by blood. Her eyes look red from crying and her body language is quite hostile. That makes sense, being a crystallization of the legend of her betrayals, rather than a weapon Medea acquired during her life. It is purely born of her. Does that mean a rule for how weapons appear in here? Caliburn looked quite like Saber, didn't she?_

Emiya shook his head.

"I wanted to ask you some questions..." He began, finally deciding that this was getting him nowhere.

"Of course you do. Everyone always wants something from me... Well I'm not going to tell you anything! You can go play around with your bimbo and die for all I care! I've had enough of being used and thrown aside by everyone! Just leave me alone!"

Punctuating the shout, she stood up and jumped off his hand. Magical circles appeared around her as the familiar cloak appeared to shroud her shoulders, lifting her and allowing her to fly off.

He blinked, glancing at Bow who seemed just as lost by the exchange. Shrugging, he jumped after the flying mini-witch, leaving Bow behind as she sent him off with an amused wave of her hand and an ' _itterashai_ '. The dagger was fast, but he was faster still as he managed to catch up in no time.

"I just wanted to ask a few question, I have no intention of hurting you," he tried.

But... "Go away! Leave me alone!"

The dagger would not have any of it, speeding up as much as she could to avoid him.

 _This isn't going to work, huh. Should I leave her be or transform her back? Basing on the display earlier, it's probable Rule Breaker can still use her power even in this form. It might be dangerous to leave her be, but on the other hand if I force her back it might reinforce her belief of always being simply used and discarded..._

Suddenly Caliburn appeared, running beside him with a serious look on her face. "What is the matter, Shirou? Enemies?"

He blinked at her sudden appearance, but before he could say anything Rule Breaker stopped as if she had hit a wall, with Emiya and Caliburn halting two steps later. They turned around, watching with wide eyes as the little dagger slowly approached Caliburn. It was like looking at someone who had for the first time beheld true beauty, so overwhelmed by the experience as to cry tears of joy.

In fact, the dagger was _crying_ as she slowly approached Caliburn.

The sapphire-eyed sword turned to look at Emiya with obvious confusion, entirely lost for words in this situation. "Erm, Shirou?"

"Ah, I... I—Could, could you call me 'oneesan'? J-just once?"

Caliburn blinked, wholly confused now as she glanced at Emiya again for guidance. He shrugged, as if saying it was her call.

She cleared her throat primly, raising a hand to cover her mouth as she did. "W-well then, ah... How may I be of assistance, _oneesan_?"

"Kyaaa! My soul is being healed!" The tiny witch shouted, bringing both of her hands to her chest as she swooned in mid-air.

Caliburn instinctively stretched out her hands to grab the dagger out of the air as she was sinking, treating her like one would a wounded songbird. Blinking, she looked at Emiya again and seemed almost annoyed by the amused smirk on his face.

She cleared her throat again.

"Is everything alright?"

Emiya crossed his arms, tilting his head as he answered. "To be honest, I have no idea. But do you mind watching her over for me?"

The sapphire-eyed sword blinked before nodding. "I shall on my knight's honor make sure nothing harms her!"

 _I had actually hoped you would keep her out of trouble, but this should work too,_ he thought without saying anything as he merely nodded.

"G-guh! This, this _pure love_ of mine! Please accept my lily-colored love for you, oh radiant beauty whose virtuous heart has struck through me like a bolt of lightning from the heavens above!"

Caliburn blinked at the loud proclamation the dagger in her cupped hands made.

"Ah, I cannot. For I have sworn to protect and guide Shirou, there is no place for anything else within me. I must steer him on the just path, a task which will be much to arduous to be distracted from. I apologize, from the bottom of my heart," Caliburn clearly rejected the dagger.

"Guh! No, it's not over yet. If it's just that man, then I can still win! NTR is my specialty, after all! I can still steal you—krhmm, I mean, I can still win your heart! Please let me stay by your side!"

The tiny witch looked fired up, mustering all her resolve as she reached out with both of her hands to hold one of Caliburn's thumbs. Even from where he stood, Emiya could see the hearts in her eyes as she stared up at Caliburn.

The sword frowned, inhaling slowly as she glanced at Emiya again. Finally, she nodded. "Very well, I shall protect you. But know that my heart shall never be swayed from Shirou's side!"

Rule Breaker nodded vigorously, almost sparkling with excitement.

"Could I ask you a few questions?" Emiya butted in finally, causing the dagger to look up and glare up at him again. She almost hissed, flying up to place herself squarely between him and Caliburn as if to say that he could not have the golden sword as long as she was around.

"It would trouble me if you do not answer his queries," Caliburn stated, noticing the tension that had sprung anew.

"... _Fine_. But only because you asked!" The witch shouted, crossing her arms.

Emiya nodded, exhaling as he shot a thumbs up as thanks to Caliburn, who shot one back with a happy wink.

"What should I call you? Rule Breaker, or are you Medea as well?"

"I am a noble phantasm born of her divinity and crystallized legend, though it is not my name. So don't you call me that!"

He nodded. "Rule Breaker seems like a mouthful, however. Hmm, Ruru?"

"Don't call me that either!"

Caliburn blinked, mouthing the words quietly in thought. "Ruru, Ruru... It is quite cute, is it not?"

"Please call me Ruru as much as you please! Please!"

Emiya shook his head at the tiny witch, saying nothing on that topic as he moved on. "Then, do you possess Medea's understanding and memories of magecraft? Specifically her top-class expertise in bounded fields and enchanted items?"

When it came to a bounded field that contained numerous magical swords, she seemed like the perfect person to ask. _Blade to ask?_ He shook his head at that thought.

"Something like that," Rule Breaker admitted.

"Then, do you know why and how this change occurred here?"

"Huh, are you an idiot?" The dagger asked, glaring at him as if at a particularly slow child. "This is a _reality marble_ , fool."

He nodded, motioning for her to continue. "I understand that much—an innate bounded field is shaped by the individual. But I've never heard of it being alterable to this degree. Something like this couldn't have just happened without reason."

She sighed, shaking her head. Rearing back a foot, she flew straight at his forehead with a flying kick that barely even stung as she shouted; "You idiot!"

 _What are you, a wasp?_ He wanted to complain, but said nothing as he cleared his throat.

No need to further antagonize her, rather he would simply listen to what she had to say and ignore the abuse.

"Isn't this because you're such a worthless playboy womanizer who breaks hearts everywhere he goes!? Huh? How many women have you made fall for you and then just left behind?! Those curse-like emotions gather around you and coalesce into your soul as you keep going without noticing any of it! Idiot! Fool! Eroge-protagonist who was turned into a dense-harem-protagonist!"

Emiya frowned, crossing his arms as he gently with one hand pushed her away from his face. Her punches barely even itched, but it was a slight bit annoying to have her trashing against his face.

"So... like how heroic spirits are born of humanity's wishes, I've been affected by lingering desires? Like... infatuation wraiths, of some kind?" He mused, not quite believing any of it. He shook his head. "Ridiculous. The amount of women necessary for something like that would be immense beyond counting. I don't remember anything like that."

"Nincompoop! Dunderhead! Fool!" Rule Breaker shouted, roundhouse kicking his nose. "That attitude is the exact root cause of all this! You're a Guardian and have been to countless worlds and places! You're the consistently most popular Type Moon male character! Of course this would happen when you don't address any of those feelings and let them pile up!"

He blinked. _What does the Crimson Moon have to do with any of this?_

"What are you even talking about? How would you even know any of that?"

She clenched her fist, shaking with anger. "I am Rule Breaker! The blade that cuts through all magecraft and mysteries! What is the fourth wall to me?!"

He blinked, before deciding to ignore her ramblings. _Who else could be knowledgeable of something like this? Someone who is experienced with magecraft but also with crafting magical weapons and of strange realms..._

A Lancer in blue; a legend known far and wide for both his martial and magical skills, someone who had spent long years in shadowed realms under the tutelage of a mysterious master only spoke of in hushed tones.

"Huh, _his_ weapon might do."

Stretching out his hand, he called forth the red spear from beyond the horizon. It landed in his hand with a deep sound that echoed through it, causing it to hum for half a second before it stilled.

Exhaling, he willed the change to occur.

"Heh, well didn't take long of ya, laddie. Guess ya missed me after all this time," the purple-haired woman said with a toothy grin.

"You're not..." Emiya began with a frown.

"Eh? You're expecting Setanta? Nae, he made me with tha help 'o his venerable master. So there's a bit of both in me, yeah?"

Her hair was a dark shade of something between blue and purple, depending on the light shifting between one and the other as it reached all the way to her waist. The waist so slim and taut that it looked like he could have wrapped both of his hands around her with ease.

Frowning, he had to ask, "Is it an Irish thing. Wearing those full body tights, I mean?"

"O'course!" She grinned at him, her blood red eyes twinkling with humor. "It's either that or going naked. Anything else takes too long to get out of when after a good fight you wanna have an ever better shag."

"...Ah," Emiya nodded, his face suddenly going carefully blank as he tried to loosen his hand from hers. _Holding onto the spear might have been a mistake..._

"See, thas your big problem. Lookit yer trousers, laddie. How're ya supposed to get yer pecker out when ya need it?"

"...That's never been a problem, _exactly._ " He cleared his throat, trying to get himself out of her grip more insistently now.

"Eh, shy one? I remembered as much. Ye're all wily and coy, playing around and taunting everyone around yah. Heh, ye'd make hell of a woman." She laughed gaily.

"What?" He managed in a flat tone.

"If _these_ or _this_..." She said running her hand down her body, cupping each breast in turn and ending with a slap of her butt. "Don't interest ya..."

Leaning in, he could feel her breath on his ear despite his attempts at keeping the distance his distance from her.

"Then I'm sure ya won't mind if I take the _lead_. I'm sure ya never forgot about having me so _deep inside_ of you, even after all these years," she said and he realized she had guided his hand down to her crotch.

And he could feel something _hard_ there. His eyes involuntarily were drawn down, almost as if they had been reeled in by what lay there.

A strapon, bright red and veiny. Almost—no, _just like_ Gae Bolg.

His mind went entirely blank.

"Thas my Gay Bulge; _veined lance of_ _little death._ Now be a good laddie and bend ov—"

Emiya instantly grabbed the hard shaft, willing her to return to spear-form as he turned around and with all his strength sent the lance flying into the distance with a mighty toss, as far away from his as possible. Even as it disappeared far into the distance behind the hills beyond his sight, he could still hear her gay laugh echoing with wicked amusement.

Turning to regard the cool gazes of Caliburn and Rule Breaker, he cleared his throat.

"I hate that guy so much."

* * *

Thanks to Gray Walker for proofreading.


End file.
